A divorce does not only have consequences for the two spouses. It can have a variety of harmful consequences for your children too.
Unfortunately, divorce also has some harmful consequences for your children. Because the permanent separation of the parents also changes the entire life of the children. It can affect their academic performance and, in some cases, even their health.
Therefore, you should always keep in mind that divorce is much more than just breaking a vows. When parents split up, your children’s entire world can collapse.
The separation process triggers a phase of grief and parting for each individual family member. And everyone deals with it differently.
Although experts believe that children are able to adjust to the changed family situation, it is still undisputed that your children will not emerge from this serious life change completely unscathed.
Causes and Reasons for a Divorce
Some of the most common reasons and causes of divorce are as follows:
- Problems caused by addictive behavior
- Domestic violence (physical and / or psychological)
- Insurmountable differences between spouses
- Routine and boredom
- Disappointment in yourself or in your partner (e.g. due to false expectations)
Types of Divorce
Divorce can go in two different ways :
1. Divorce by mutual consent
If both partners are in agreement about the divorce and all of its consequences, then that is always the best solution. Especially if you have children, a consensual divorce will be less harmful to your children as well.
Often there is also a marriage contract in which all material and other consequences have already been regulated in advance. This makes a peaceful separation much easier. Constant arguments, which could also be very harmful to your children, are avoided as far as possible. So the consequences for your children are not that drastic.
2. Quarrel or battle divorce
In the event of disagreement about the divorce, both materially and humanly, disputes and further injuries are almost inevitable. If one of the two partners does not want a divorce at all, this does not have any legal consequences, but still offers further potential for conflict.
The dispute about the division of material property also often harbors a lot of potential for controversy. In addition, there is very often disagreement about questions of upbringing and custody of children together.
In this case especially, your children will be greatly affected by your quarrels. This is often followed by lengthy legal proceedings and years of litigation that will have a very negative impact on the well-being of your children.
As you can easily imagine, this type of divorce has far more damaging consequences for your children.
The harmful effects of divorce on your children
How your child will deal with and deal with the consequences of a divorce varies greatly from person to person. However, you can make the situation easier for your children if you are aware of the consequences of your behavior for your children.
The more mature and peaceful you divorce, the easier it will be for your children to cope with the new situation.
However, despite your best efforts, there will be some negative consequences for your children:
1. Low self-esteem
Depending on your child’s age and ability to adapt to new situations, divorce can have small or large effects on their self-esteem. Often times, during a divorce, children get the feeling that they are not important to themselves and that you do not care about their feelings.
Since you and your partner are very busy with the actual divorce, you often have less time for the children. In addition, such situations are emotionally very challenging and so it can happen that you no longer have the strength to always deal intensively with your child.
If your partner has moved out and your child or children no longer see their father or mother on a daily basis, it can very quickly happen that your child feels pushed away and abandoned.
2. Feelings of guilt after a divorce
It can take a few years for your child to cope with the loss of a parent. If you then continue to argue with your ex-partner or barely communicate with them, then it has been psychologically proven that your children will blame themselves for this situation.
If one or both partners do not have the emotional maturity to deal with conflict as an adult, it can make your children feel more abandoned.
In addition, you should definitely avoid involving your children in the divorce, and especially in the quarrels. That would only do more harm to them.
Your kids would feel guilty either way, no matter what they choose. Therefore, you should definitely spare them from this choice.
The loss of familiar family life and the lack of the happiness and joy that your children once experienced at home creates a great deal of insecurity.
If your children have to move and change schools after the breakup, they will lose many of their friends. All of these can cause depression. Since your children have to leave their familiar surroundings, they lose the feeling of security and trust.
They have experienced these important feelings so far through your family activities together and also through your love for one another.
In addition, it is very common that the children will only live with one parent in the future, either with you or with your ex-partner. If your children are not able to spend enough time with the missing parent, it can lead to depression or hostility towards the parents.
Often the separation of the parents is very difficult for children to accept and so they find their own ways and means to prevent this. By doing this, they first create a sense of hope. When the separation and divorce are final, it can add to the frustration and depression in your children .
4. Difficulties in social situations
Another harmful effect of divorce on your children can be that they have difficulty socializing with others.
During the separation phase, your children will very often think about the situation at home and this can cause them to lose the joy and motivation of meeting their friends.
Often times, your children’s academic performance also suffers during a divorce. Since they are very busy with the problems and changes at home, they may turn a blind eye to other aspects of their life.
It is therefore very important that your children can always get away from the domestic change situation. They need enough time and space to live their daily life as normally as possible.
5. Fears about the future after a divorce
A divorce changes the entire family situation permanently. The transition from happy family life to separated family life can destabilize anyone.
There is nothing you can do to prepare your children for this situation, as they will almost always feel like they have lost a parent in the divorce. As a result of this immense loss that your children have to cope with, they very often develop massive fears about the future.
As a result, many children of divorce also have a variety of difficulties later in life in their own partnerships. Very often it happens that fears of a strong bond arise. And many children of divorce rule out marriage for themselves because of their own experiences .
6. Psychosomatic illnesses can occur during and after a divorce
Your children could also develop psychosomatic illnesses due to your divorce.
Due to the extremely high level of stress that also prevails for your children during the separation and divorce period, fears often arise about the new and unfamiliar life that lies ahead.
The pain your child feels during this difficult period is not just imagination: they really feel sick.
It is therefore best if you and your child visit a therapist in order to recognize the emotional effects of a divorce as early as possible and to have them professionally supported and treated. In this way, you may be able to mitigate or prevent long-term effects of this extreme situation on your child at an early stage.